Just Say It: Keep Your Dialogue Tags Simple

My daughter is a voracious reader, and I’ve taken dozens of pictures of her cuddled up somewhere with her nose in a book. Every once in awhile she gets really excited about a book and asks me to read it. One thing I’ve noticed about a lot of these chapter books is that the characters spend a lot of time exclaiming, claiming, replying, answering, asking, interrogating, responding, denying, and so on.

I’m just saying, there’s nothing wrong with simply saying dialogue.

Overly flowery dialogue tags run rampant in some adult fiction, too. And frankly, they’re a bit distracting.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

“But I don’t even know how to bake a cupcake,” Randy explained.

“Well, someone poisoned the entire birthday party,” Officer Denton insisted.

“You’re wasting your time!” Randy exclaimed.

“How do you explain the icing on your sleeves?” Officer Moore asked.

“The boys in the lab will tell you that it isn’t icing,” Randy replied.

It’s distracting, isn’t it?

Now, let’s replace some of those dialogue tags with the more elegant “say” and see how it plays. While we’re at it, let’s lose some dialogue tags and simply pair the dialogue with actual actions. See if the scene doesn’t get a bit deeper:

“But I don’t even know how to bake a cupcake,” Randy said.

Officer Denton crossed his beefy arms over his wall of a chest. “Well, someone poisoned the entire birthday party.”

Randy flailed his arms. “You’re wasting your time.”

“How do you explain the icing on your sleeves?” Officer Moore said.

Randy stared at the floor. “The boys in the lab will tell you that it isn’t icing.”

Notice that I didn’t “said” instead of “asked” for the questions. That’s because the question mark tells you that it’s a question. I also omitted the exclamation point, because they’re a bit overused as well. In the vast majority of cases, the strength of the dialogue and actions in a scene will imply the exclamation point.

Likewise, let the strength of your dialogue stand on its own. Don’t try to prop it up with dialogue tags. Let it be. Just say it.

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On Falling Leaves, Inspiration, and the Woes of Outlining

Darker PagesThis past weekend, my daughter and I went on a near-perfect autumn hike. Leaves crunched underfoot. The sun sliced between the soon-to-be barren forest canopy. A breeze nudged the dead leaves to scurry and the dying leaves to fall.

It was in this setting that we played one of our favorite games, in which we try to catch falling leaves before they hit the ground.

It’s a deceptively simple game, and one that can only be played for a few weeks out of each year. The leaves fall in an array of swirls, dives, dashes, and spirals, making it nearly impossible to predict where these rotting angels will land. We’ve found two effective strategies to catch the leaves: 1) simply stand in one place and let the leaf come to you; or 2) chase after them with mad sprints and flailing hands.

Catching falling leaves in forest.As is often the case, a balance of both is most successful. And as usual, in the simplest of things lies a metaphor for greater endeavors.

My point is this: conjuring a story is like catching a falling leaf.

The running and flailing can be compared to the actual writing. No story will be written if you don’t first sit your butt in the chair and get walking down that path. It takes effort and drive and will. The fingers must be fleet, for the story often takes a tangled path to the page.

But the standing in one place—allowing the story to come to you—is the other half of the equation. It’s what happens in the outer margins of the page. It’s the nuance of narrative that can’t be outlined or predicted or forced. It’s the inspired twist of the plot, the hidden meaning that you didn’t know was there. That’s some of the true magic of writing, when you craft characters that outgrow you and scenes that surprise you. The thing is, this magic won’t have a chance to occur if you over-plan your novel and suffocate your story with a cumbersome outline.

Let your story come to you.

Yes, there is a place for outlining in fiction. It helps to have a rough idea of where you’re going and how you’ll get there. But keep those outlines minimal, like the five-sentence outline that Les Edgerton suggests. That’s all you need.

Anything more than that, and you’re just stomping dead leaves when you could be chasing after dying angels.

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Flash Fiction: Less of You

The following is a response to Chuck Wendig’s SPAMMERPUNK HORROR Flash Fiction Challenge. If you’re not following Chuck on Twitter, you’re missing out on some great stuff!

 

From: rachel@nodiets.com
To: rob@robboley.com
Subject: Lose 20 Pounds Today – NO DIETING!

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###

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Avoid Filter Words: Write Through Your Characters, Not On Them

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One of my biggest pet peeves in writing is the use of filter words, which are basically unnecessary words that put the POV character between the reader and the scene. Some examples are feel, know, realize, decide, think, look, see, and here.

The worst offender is feel. Your characters rarely need to feel! If we’re in their heads, the feeling is assumed.

Here’s an example of a filter-filled passage:

Randy felt sharp claws slash across his chest. He realized the were-rabbit’s claws contained a sleeping toxin, because he saw the room fade to sparkling grey and then total blackness. He heard his body thud to the floor.

It’s a bit like watching a shifty bootleg of a movie recorded from a theatre screen, isn’t it? You can almost feel the distance from that second camera. Now try this revised version:

Sharp claws slashed across Randy’s chest. Damn. The were-rabbit’s claws must’ve contained a sleeping toxin, because the room faded to sparkling grey and then total blackness. His body thudded to the floor.

See how much deeper this puts you into the scene?

Now, these filter words aren’t always bad. Sometimes they’re necessary for clarity or for when you want to draw attention to the POV character’s act of perception. For example:

Randy looked into the were-rabbit’s unwavering pink eyes and knew that hateful gaze would be the last thing he ever saw.

More often than not, filter words only serve to hold the reader back from total immersion in the story. So, tighten up your writing by editing those dastardly things out. And, of course, watch out for were-rabbits.

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Immerse Your Readers by Yanking their Nose (And Using All Five Senses)

Darker PagesHave you ever sat and talked with someone to whom you’re very attracted—perhaps early in a relationship—and you wanted desperately to reach out and touch them? All you can do is listen and watch but you really want to immerse yourself in them—to smell their skin and kiss their smile. It’s a powerful sensation.

Do not make your readers feel this way!

In writing, it’s far too easy to focus on sounds (dialogue) and images (description). We often forget about those other three senses—taste, smell, and touch. Perhaps the most potent of these senses is smell. Consider this:

Randy walks into the deserted office. An air conditioning vent rattles. Outside, car horns blare and traffic hums. Haphazard stacks of paper cover the desk. Bits of white stuffing peek out of the brutalized chair. On the dented filing cabinet, something furry grows inside a Darth Vader coffee mug.

So that gives us a sense of the room, but check out how much deeper into the moment (and the character’s head) you get when the other sense are involved:

Randy walks into the deserted office. The chilled air cools the sweat on his shirt. He shivers, echoing the rattling air conditioning vent. Outside, car horns blare and traffic hums. Bits of white stuffing peek out of the brutalized chair. On the dented filing cabinet, something furry grows inside a Darth Vader coffee mug. The room smells like sweaty socks and too much hair product—like high school.

When describing a scene, the sense of smell can clue you in to the subtle histories of a place. It can tell you something beneath the surface. A hint of cigarette smoke, rotten trash, melted candlewax, disinfectant . . . these can all give clues about a setting’s recent history.

Smells can also trigger memories in the POV character, as well as the reader. The olfactory bulb is part of the brain’s limbic system, a region closely tied to memory. So, scents can be an easy, relatable way to segue into a flashback.

As you craft your scenes and chapters, make a point of including all the senses, especially smell. Your written world will be all the richer – and smellier – for it.

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